Rest Up

Tomorrow begins an experience that I will never, ever live through again. I'm going to my first RN job's hospital orientation. Sure, maybe some day I'll relive this, slightly augmented, probably several times if I'm truthful with myself, but I will never again go from a life of academia and parents to the life of a full-time, full-tax-paying adult in America. 

If you know me in real life, or perhaps you can just tell by my riveting blog posts, I am a bit of a nervous Nancy, anxiety-holding, scared lunatic. I have almost-crippling social anxiety, in that I find every single possible way to not be entirely extroverted, but still maintain a more-than-a-hermit reputation. 

So, just so you know, I'm walking into a position where there are 10 of us, heaven knows our back grounds, and we'll spend 5 days a week for 9 months learning the trade of the operating nurse (scrub tech and circulating nurse). We won't be together except our first month, but I'm willing to bet that I'll crave their love like a lost puppy. Perhaps they'll crave mine as well. 

And to tell you more, as it is I can't sleep and I'm scared of the night mares I'll have when I finally do slumber (since the night before NCLEX was a literal acid trip). A lot of what I understand about this residency comes from the interview I had nearly a quarter of a year ago. I think we all wanted the same thing - stability. 

So now, 7 hours before I awake and 9 hours before it all truly begins, it feels weird that all I feel is instability. I know nothing, I fear everything, and nothing can help but time. 

And probably sleep, if there weren't night mares involved.

I'm excited to share this chapter with you. 

Rest up.